An air plane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and
the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown
together and it's obvious by the silence that they don't get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters, "I don't like Chinese."
The First Officer replies, "Oooooh, no rike Chinese? Why dat?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."
"Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese ...it doesn't matter, they're all like."
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says, "No rike Jew."
"Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic."
"The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no mattah ... all same."
the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown
together and it's obvious by the silence that they don't get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters, "I don't like Chinese."
The First Officer replies, "Oooooh, no rike Chinese? Why dat?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."
"Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese ...it doesn't matter, they're all like."
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says, "No rike Jew."
"Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic."
"The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no mattah ... all same."
A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts
in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the
breasts of a 25 year old."
The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old
ass?"
She replies, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the
breasts of a 25 year old."
The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old
ass?"
She replies, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
Here is an old one,Translated from a German Joke
Feminist congress in Berlin. Topic: Retraining Men
First speaker, a German lady :
I am Brigitte.
I told my husband: Helmut, from now on you prepare the dinner.
First day I didn't see anything
Second day I didn't see anything
But on the third day, dinner was served on the table.
Laud applause followed in the hall, cheer, brave !!!
Second speaker is an Italian lady:
"My name is Graziella"
I told my husband: Luigi, starting today you do the house cleaning.
First day I didn't see anything
Second day didn't see anything
But on the third day, I saw him with vacuum cleaner.
Again, laud applause followed in the hall !!!
A Turkish lady steps up as next speaker:
"My name is Fathma"
I told my husband: Mohammed, from now on you are the one who irons.
First day I didn't see anything
Second day I didn't! see anything
But on the third day, I could at least see something with my left eye !
Feminist congress in Berlin. Topic: Retraining Men
First speaker, a German lady :
I am Brigitte.
I told my husband: Helmut, from now on you prepare the dinner.
First day I didn't see anything
Second day I didn't see anything
But on the third day, dinner was served on the table.
Laud applause followed in the hall, cheer, brave !!!
Second speaker is an Italian lady:
"My name is Graziella"
I told my husband: Luigi, starting today you do the house cleaning.
First day I didn't see anything
Second day didn't see anything
But on the third day, I saw him with vacuum cleaner.
Again, laud applause followed in the hall !!!
A Turkish lady steps up as next speaker:
"My name is Fathma"
I told my husband: Mohammed, from now on you are the one who irons.
First day I didn't see anything
Second day I didn't! see anything
But on the third day, I could at least see something with my left eye !
A Letter To Imam Reza
Dear Imam Reza
Al-salam-o- alyk, ya Ali ebne- Musa-Al-Reza
I tried to come Mash'had moghadas, but you know,
gasoline is selling by Houshmand Card and my card is
empty
I tried to come there for kissing your foot by
airplane, but you know well, it is dangerous. I am
still young and I don't like to die in air crash
I tried to come there for ziarat by riding a horse or
donkey, but you know, most of them are killed to use
their meat for restaurants as Kabab Kubideh
So, I am writing this email for you, but you know,
your web site is filtered by the Mehrvarz government
Please tell me what kind of soil, should I pour on my
head from these akhonds' hands
Please adrekni
Sincerely yours,
Dear Imam Reza
Al-salam-o- alyk, ya Ali ebne- Musa-Al-Reza
I tried to come Mash'had moghadas, but you know,
gasoline is selling by Houshmand Card and my card is
empty
I tried to come there for kissing your foot by
airplane, but you know well, it is dangerous. I am
still young and I don't like to die in air crash
I tried to come there for ziarat by riding a horse or
donkey, but you know, most of them are killed to use
their meat for restaurants as Kabab Kubideh
So, I am writing this email for you, but you know,
your web site is filtered by the Mehrvarz government
Please tell me what kind of soil, should I pour on my
head from these akhonds' hands
Please adrekni
Sincerely yours,
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
"Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
Here is one that was running in the Iranian news forums about 13 years ago ...
*************************************************************************************************
This is a letter written by a National Iranian Oil Company worker to his American boss in 1970's:
Dear Mr. Hamilton
I, the undersigned, have worked in the NIOC in Masjed-Suleiman for three years. But since Mr. Ahmadi transferred here everything has changed.
I don't know what a wet wood I have sold him that from the very first day he has been pulling the belt to my killing. With all kinds of cat dancing he has tried to become the eye and light of Mr. Wilson. He made so much mouse running, that finally Mr. Wilson became donkey and made Mr. Ahmadi his right hand, and told me to work under his hand. Mr. Wilson promised that next year he would make me his right hand, but my eyes didn't drink water, and I knew that all these were black play, and he was trying to put a hat on my head. I put the seal of silence to my lips and did not bring a bend to my eyebrows.
Since I am thick skinned, I did not go from face. Also I felt that Mr. Ahmadi was head of donkey, and had become hair of my nose. So one day I hit the heart to the sea and went to see Mr. Wilson. As soon as I entered his office, he looked at me from head to foot and asked what do you want?...I said, nothing sir, I have crossed Rostam's seven Khans to come and see you, and let you know that I am not happy working under Mr. Ahmadi, and if you'd be kind enough and give me another job! Mr. Wilson said, ok, go and work in the mail house. Now bring the donkey and load the lima beans! Where me, and where mail house? What shit I ate! I came to do good, I made kabab. I went to prepare the eyebrow, I made the eye blind! With my own hands my sister was fucked! I told Mr. Wilson that our donkey did not have a tail from childhood. Mr. Wilson said, You have asked and you have received. Besides, we need a work-killed employee like you in the mail house. But because of eating so much snakes I have become a dragon, and I knew he was putting watermelon under my arms. Knowing that this transfer was only good for his aunt, I started begging him to forget that I ever came to see him and forget my visit altogether. I said: "you saw camel, you did not see camel". But he was not getting off the devil's donkey. What headache shall I give you? He broke all my bowls and pitchers, and now I am forced to go and work in the mail house with a bunch of blind and bald, height and half height people. Imagine how much my ass burns!
Now Mr. Hamilton, I turn around your head, you are my only hope and my back and shelter. I swear you to the 14 innocents, please, do some work for me. In the resurrection day I'll grasp you skirt...I have six head bread eater.. I kiss your hands and legs.
Your servant
Asghar Babai
*************************************************************************************************
This is a letter written by a National Iranian Oil Company worker to his American boss in 1970's:
Dear Mr. Hamilton
I, the undersigned, have worked in the NIOC in Masjed-Suleiman for three years. But since Mr. Ahmadi transferred here everything has changed.
I don't know what a wet wood I have sold him that from the very first day he has been pulling the belt to my killing. With all kinds of cat dancing he has tried to become the eye and light of Mr. Wilson. He made so much mouse running, that finally Mr. Wilson became donkey and made Mr. Ahmadi his right hand, and told me to work under his hand. Mr. Wilson promised that next year he would make me his right hand, but my eyes didn't drink water, and I knew that all these were black play, and he was trying to put a hat on my head. I put the seal of silence to my lips and did not bring a bend to my eyebrows.
Since I am thick skinned, I did not go from face. Also I felt that Mr. Ahmadi was head of donkey, and had become hair of my nose. So one day I hit the heart to the sea and went to see Mr. Wilson. As soon as I entered his office, he looked at me from head to foot and asked what do you want?...I said, nothing sir, I have crossed Rostam's seven Khans to come and see you, and let you know that I am not happy working under Mr. Ahmadi, and if you'd be kind enough and give me another job! Mr. Wilson said, ok, go and work in the mail house. Now bring the donkey and load the lima beans! Where me, and where mail house? What shit I ate! I came to do good, I made kabab. I went to prepare the eyebrow, I made the eye blind! With my own hands my sister was fucked! I told Mr. Wilson that our donkey did not have a tail from childhood. Mr. Wilson said, You have asked and you have received. Besides, we need a work-killed employee like you in the mail house. But because of eating so much snakes I have become a dragon, and I knew he was putting watermelon under my arms. Knowing that this transfer was only good for his aunt, I started begging him to forget that I ever came to see him and forget my visit altogether. I said: "you saw camel, you did not see camel". But he was not getting off the devil's donkey. What headache shall I give you? He broke all my bowls and pitchers, and now I am forced to go and work in the mail house with a bunch of blind and bald, height and half height people. Imagine how much my ass burns!
Now Mr. Hamilton, I turn around your head, you are my only hope and my back and shelter. I swear you to the 14 innocents, please, do some work for me. In the resurrection day I'll grasp you skirt...I have six head bread eater.. I kiss your hands and legs.
Your servant
Asghar Babai