First day at job

Oct 18, 2002
first day at work was goood and baddddddddddd.

I walk in. ok big company yeah yeah
we need to finger print you. we know you filled all this before and we have it in the database but can you fill all this five pages again?

sure thing.

Mexican dude (redneck wanne be) Sir Can I get to come here. give me your hand and let me handle this. I need to finger print every finger of yours and send to FBI for background check?

sure sir here is my right hand.

can you step right in front of this white curtain I need to take a picture for you and your badge.

Yes Sir, ok can I have my badge now . oh no sir It will be ready in five minutes.

I am sitting waiting by the elevator, fellow country man Sadigh walks to me and say hey wahts your name?

I am like Ehsan and yours Oh I am Sadigh.

Sadigh nice to meet you.

Sadegh:what all those papers you are filling out?

Me: emmmmmm ( 1 miili seconds passes by)

Sadegh: well let me see If I can help ( pulling the papers out my hand).

Jeez christ they are paying more than you on your first than me working here for five yearssssssssssss????????????

Sadegh:what are you gone do here?
well I am gone work on Visual C++ Trading applications I am suppose to connect them to ORACLE,SYBASE AND SQL SERVER. OR maybe they already are and I need to fix bugs.

Sadegh:: well I gotta go.

I am still sitting waiting for my badge ( 4 minutes now).

Sadegh: comes back from secured doors.

One of Sadegh's friends: hey Sadegh, where are you going?

Sadegh:: I am going to StarBucks. Morning does not work for me without starbucks.

ME:: as getting my badge now from Meixcan redneck wanne be!!! ( didn't he walk in like 5 minutes agoooooooo)

As the elevator door closes I hear sadegh going down with his friends and mumbling about the word CONTRACT!!!

ME:: He is talking shit behind my back?

Any how my boss takes me in I get the honors of using my badge for the first time.

My computer is not ready. well it is there. but guess what It is a pentium III.

My boss is a nice guy he is like yeah here is a bigger hard drive let me call the IT guys so they can pop it in for you.

I am like sureeeeeeeee.

So I use the next 30 minutes bsing and getting to know people.

from hot ones, to kajo koleh ones, to ye vari ones, to smart ones, to those who I cant understand six words out of 10 words that they say.

got back to my computer. IT guys are not returning my boss's call backkkkkkkk.

me:I am like where are these "IT" guys?
BOSS:down stairs on to the first floor. take the elevator down and once you are out follow the signs that untill you master server room.

I go down there. but my badge wont open that gate.

oh I spotted an IT looking guy coming in. I am like buddy hi I am a new employee my first day here!!!

he is like okkkkkkkk.

I am like i need a hard drive mounted on my machine, I also need a unser name and password to logon to the domain???

he is like oh yeah. thats not gone be possible today the one Webserver has gone down we cant deal with this right now!!! just send me an email i will follow up on it.

I am like can I have your phone number please?

He is like here you go.

I walk to elevator oh shit there is a tow machine out there. and I am parked in the HR section let me go and move my car. I take my car to garage I dont know how to get back. after five minutes of precious time wasted I find a way out of the garage to maing building.

I go back upppppp. It is 10:30 I have not even logged on in to my workstation yet.

I sit on my desk! ( not at my desk but on my desk)

chinese girl walks toward me she is like what's the matter?

I was like well at this rate looks like I am not gone get to logon today??

She is like there is 15 "IT" guys down there! you are telling me not even one of them can devote 30 seconds to create you a user name.

so I call the guy down stairs. he is like leave me a message I am not at my desk.

I leave a message. Hi such and such I met you down stairs. Listen can you possibly give me access to such and such domain?

I am like enough waiting for IT guys I go to garage I pop my cars trunk open I get my screw driver. I come back in the building. I opened the computer up put in the hard drive.

turned the computer on.

I call again............. the "IT" he is like yeah we are a liittle buys right now down here it is a monday and we have a server down.

I am like listen buddy. There is only one keyboard and mouse in front of the server dont tell me not one of you 12 IT guys can not devote 1 minute of his time on creating me a login. he transfers me and a guy relecutantly creates me one user name and password.

I log in. oh go how beuatifull, this machine is slow but I love eeeeeeeeeeee it. I am innnnnnnnnnnn.

I call the same guy. I am like hey can you set me up with the Exchange server so I can get email?

so He does it again.

Oh I accidently found the inetranet?

how I was getting coffe and this one guy has it on his screen.

sO I go back to my desk. I am like ok lets find these IT folks.

I send him and email I am like I am gone need access to such and such SQL SERVER anad Such and Such ORACLE.

by the way where can I find ORACLE Client tools installation? oh and Visual Studio oh and Visual Studio .Net.

well ten minute passes by I get no response.

I call down to IT guys. I call everyone of them. all of them give me a greeting and say please leave me a message because I am not at my deskk!!!

well I am like to hell wiht this. I get in my car I go home get my own CDS and come back to work. I start installing all the garbage I need.

oh and did I mention I brought 160 GB drive of my own???

So I finish installing. ORACLE SERVER,SQL SERVER, Visual Studio, Vsiual Studio .Net on my machine.

so now what happens?

one of the girls is going to lunch. I am like hey can I use your machine to get some of these database locally to my machine.

she is like do what you want just be done by 1.5 hours thats when I am gone be back.

So I do.

It took me like forty minutes to get the Database to my system.

It is like 12:20. I am like well lets call down to IT guys no reponse.

I send an email to supervisor fo the IT department. in five mintues he responds back.

We dont work with email support. you need to create and E ticket using share point that way whoever has nothing on their plate will take care of it.

well it is like 1:00 oclock. well my friend to create an E-Ticket I neeed sharepoint Passwordddddddddddddddd. How is smart is that you dumbasssssssssss.

I send an email backkkkkkkk. I am like looks I need access to the Source Codeeee databaseeeeeee. and you are telling me I need to usre share point to make an E-Ticket. well I cant logon in to share point. becuase I dont have accessssssssssssssssssss rights.

I call like five times to every It guy I can find. no body is answering.

my boss comes back from lunch at 1:20. I tell him the story he is like no problem let me create you and E-Ticket for touble shooting.

I sat on my desk idle untill 6:30 hoping for some response from E-Ticketttttttttttttttttt but with no luck.

I spent the rest of the day strengthening my builshittting skillls.
LOL! I started my morning reading your post and remembering my own first day at work. Exactly the same thing. EXACTLY.

Once I went downstairs and stole a box of installation CDs from an IT guy's cube. I brought them to my cube and never returned them. You know what's funny? The guy still doesn't know. That's how lazy and TOKHMI these people are. Most of them are from middle east too. It's like they hate other people. WTF man?


National Team Player
Oct 25, 2002
That was funny as hell!! You rocked the boat pretty good for the first day. Now you will never get anything form the IT guys!!

BTW, since you are so free with your own stuff like installing a 160GIG drive in your work computer, you have any other equipment lying around your house you don't need?
Oct 18, 2002
agha khorus,
unfortunately in the computer world things laying around wont be any good after a year or SO.

like if you have 2100 RAM it wont work very well with currently 3200 RAM.

or if you have a 7200 RPM hard drive it wont do much good putting in a raid with 15000 RPM hard drive.

As any mechanic or electrician has some spare parts at home. I do too.
Oct 18, 2002
Farsi zaban khan

actually something is happening. there is only one hot chick who works in our job. all the guys are all over her. she hardly works. she comes after everybody and leaves before eveyrbody else.

I have looked at her bunch of times and she has noticed it.

everytime she passes by my desk, she looks back to see if I am checking her out.

Oct 1, 2004
esamani said:
Farsi zaban khan

actually something is happening. there is only one hot chick who works in our job. all the guys are all over her. she hardly works. she comes after everybody and leaves before eveyrbody else.

I have looked at her bunch of times and she has noticed it.

everytime she passes by my desk, she looks back to see if I am checking her out.

What do you expect, you are in a computer/technical field. If you were in something like Marketing or one of those commerce related fields, hot ladies would sorround you everywhere.


National Team Player
Oct 27, 2002
Over Here, you?
I first thought something srerious has happened the more i read i realised maybe its a joke so i just scrolled down to read the end and realised it even has a boring end to it LOOOOOOOOOl. khoda begam chekaret nakoneh ehsan!! :)