Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up
on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would
be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" and possibly have a small
present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let
alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, don't expect too much from a
marriage!
But the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding downstairs to breakfast and
didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat
despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"
I felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my
door and said "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside and
it is your Birthday, w! hat do you say we go out to lunch, just
you and me."
I said "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all
day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally
would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private
table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal
tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said "You know,
It's such a
beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to
the office, Do We?"
I responded "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around
the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and
said "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the
bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and after a couple of
minutes she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my wife,
my ! kids,
and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
all singi ng "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked ...
on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would
be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" and possibly have a small
present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let
alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, don't expect too much from a
marriage!
But the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding downstairs to breakfast and
didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat
despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"
I felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my
door and said "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside and
it is your Birthday, w! hat do you say we go out to lunch, just
you and me."
I said "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all
day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally
would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private
table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal
tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said "You know,
It's such a
beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to
the office, Do We?"
I responded "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around
the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and
said "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the
bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and after a couple of
minutes she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my wife,
my ! kids,
and dozens of my friends and co-workers,
all singi ng "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked ...
Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
No more headaches ?
A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those
Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.'
'No more headaches? ' the husband asks, 'What happened?'
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
'I do not Have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.'
It Worked! The headaches are all gone.'
The husband replies, 'Well, that is wonderful.'
His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball
Of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the
Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?'
The husband agrees to try it
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his
Clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He Puts her on The bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' He goes into The Bathroom and comes back. A few minutes later and jumps into bed And makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, 'Boy, that was wonderful!'
The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.' He goes
Back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' With
That, He goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
'She's not my Wife.
She's Not my wife.
She's not my wife...'
.
.
.
.
His funeral services will be held on Friday.
I guess this guy is the same Sol, who is pitching on Friday. Now we know how he got there
What's going on? I had to go to the 4th page to dig this thread out. These are called SMS jokes. Enjoy.
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فردا روز جهاني هواي پاك است، يه فردا رو از خودت باد خارج نكن!
الهی من دورت بگردم ... ولی آخه با کدوم بنزِین؟
------------------------------------------------------
فردا روز جهاني هواي پاك است، يه فردا رو از خودت باد خارج نكن!
الهی من دورت بگردم ... ولی آخه با کدوم بنزِین؟
روزي تو را ز مستي تشبيه به ماه کردم ... لامپ 100 هم نبودي من اشتباه کردم!
دوست داری تغییر کنی؟ خوشگل بشی؟ عوض بشی؟ مامان بشی؟ اصلا یه چیزه دیگه بشی؟ پس با ما تماس بگیر.
سازمان بازیافت زباله
مي خواستم شمع باشم تا آخر عمر برات بسوزم...
ولي نامرد اديسون برق رو اختراع كرد!
قانون دوم نيوتن: عشق در پسر ها هرگز از بين نمي رود، بلکه از دختري به دختر ديگر انتقال مي يابد!
آبادانيه يه پنجاه توماني تقلبي ميسازه لو ميره ميگيرنش...
آبادانيه ميگه از كجا فهميدين كار منه؟
ميگن: آخه گاگول كنار در دانشگاه سراسري سمبوسه فروشي كجا بوده؟!؟!؟
دوست داری تغییر کنی؟ خوشگل بشی؟ عوض بشی؟ مامان بشی؟ اصلا یه چیزه دیگه بشی؟ پس با ما تماس بگیر.
سازمان بازیافت زباله
مي خواستم شمع باشم تا آخر عمر برات بسوزم...
ولي نامرد اديسون برق رو اختراع كرد!
قانون دوم نيوتن: عشق در پسر ها هرگز از بين نمي رود، بلکه از دختري به دختر ديگر انتقال مي يابد!
آبادانيه يه پنجاه توماني تقلبي ميسازه لو ميره ميگيرنش...
آبادانيه ميگه از كجا فهميدين كار منه؟
ميگن: آخه گاگول كنار در دانشگاه سراسري سمبوسه فروشي كجا بوده؟!؟!؟
شنيدم آدم مهمي شدي... ميري دستشويي مگس ها به احترامت بلند مي شن!
Cops pull over this car, become suspicious, and order the driver to open the trunk where they find a bunch of large and small swords, daggers, and knives. They're about to arrest the guy when he explains that they are all part of his job of juggling swords and daggers. The cops don't believe him and ask for a demonstration, so the guy picks up a bunch of daggers, go to the sidewalk and starts juggling them with the cops looking on.
do tAhamshahri were just happenning by. The first one, shaking his head in disgust, tells the 2nd one :
"in emtehAneh DUI har rooz sakht tar misheh"
do tAhamshahri were just happenning by. The first one, shaking his head in disgust, tells the 2nd one :
"in emtehAneh DUI har rooz sakht tar misheh"
I was joking man. I got these and a bunch of others in an email. I will post the rest of them later. I basically get a lot of emails from my friends. Since I send them the good jokes I see on ISP (posted by other members), they also send me some that I post on the ISP.
I think what the meant by sms jokes was that they are so short that you can send via sms. But I don't know if there is such a service. Maybe we can start one. Are you game?
With the jokes we have on ISP already we have enough to run the business for a year.
I think what the meant by sms jokes was that they are so short that you can send via sms. But I don't know if there is such a service. Maybe we can start one. Are you game?
With the jokes we have on ISP already we have enough to run the business for a year.