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Feb 18, 2005
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Yek Ghazvini lokht e madarzad kenar chaman Azadi deraaz keshide bood .
yek nafar behsh goft : shoma baazikoni ya morrabi ya khabar-negary ?
Ghazvini goft : Na ! man beran-kaardam !
 
تركه با گوسفنداش دعواش ميشه ، واسه چرا مي بردشون چمن مصنوعي

ترکه فيلم جنگي ميبينه. آخر فيلم که تموم ميشه جو ميگردش سينه خيز ميره تلويزيون را خاموش ميکنه

از ترکه مي پرسن نظرت درباره بند گردنيه موبايل چيه ؟ ميگه خيلي خوبه . فقط موقع شارژ چند ساعتي آدمو علاف ميکنه !!!!
LOOOOOOOOOL :iloveu:
 
Likes: Pooya

Amoo

Bench Warmer
Jan 6, 2006
626
0
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of
him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him
at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the
beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always
beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right,
then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he
reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the
cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm
lost and need directions! ."
 

Amoo

Bench Warmer
Jan 6, 2006
626
0
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle;
I'm still a virgin'.

'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?'

'Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

'Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

'Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

'Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

'Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and de! sign a new state of the-art method.

'Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

'Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

'Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

'Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........... God I miss him.

'But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.

'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?

'You're with the 'GOVERNMENT'..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED.'
 

Niloufar

Football Legend
Oct 19, 2002
29,626
23
I heard this one on the radio today:

A guy was badly injured and was in the hospital in which his faithful wife never left hif for a second. One day the guy says:

My dear wife you have always been on my side. When I was fired from the auction house you supported me, when my antique business failed you still stood by me, when we lost our house you were there and now after this horrible injury you are still by my side. He pauses for a while and says : You know what my dear? The wife feeling greatly appreciated says: What is it my darling? And the man replies I think you are bad luck!
تركه با گوسفنداش دعواش ميشه ، واسه چرا مي بردشون چمن مصنوعي

ترکه فيلم جنگي ميبينه. آخر فيلم که تموم ميشه جو ميگردش سينه خيز ميره تلويزيون را خاموش ميکنه

از ترکه مي پرسن نظرت درباره بند گردنيه موبايل چيه ؟ ميگه خيلي خوبه . فقط موقع شارژ چند ساعتي آدمو علاف ميکنه !!!!
Yek Ghazvini lokht e madarzad kenar chaman Azadi deraaz keshide bood .
yek nafar behsh goft : shoma baazikoni ya morrabi ya khabar-negary ?
Ghazvini goft : Na ! man beran-kaardam !

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!! top of the line!!!hahaha, hilarious guys, thanks alot!!!!!:1:


ترکه میره جنگ فرماندار اماده باش میده میگه زود سریع سنگر بگیرید. ترکه میگه ای گوربانت رفتی یک نون بربری هم واسه ما بگیرید​
 

Javeed

National Team Player
Nov 12, 2002
4,060
0
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.

"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
 
Christmas Joke,

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In the honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each posses something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represent a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates", Saint Peter said.

The second man reaches into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're Bells."

Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."
 

alila

National Team Player
Jun 9, 2006
5,455
0
a galaxy far far away
موفقيت در سنين مختلف
در چهار سالگی:خيس نکردن شلوار
درهفت سالگی:پيداکردن راه خانه
در دوازده سالگی :پيداکردن دوست
درهجده سالگی : گرفتن گواهينامه رانندگی
دربيست سالگی :برقراری رابطه با جنس مخالف
در سی سالگی: پول دار بودن
درچهل سالگی: پول دار بودن
درپنجاه سالگی : پول دار بودن
در شصت سالگی : برقرار کردن رابطه با جنس مخالف
در هفتاد سالگی: نگه داشتن گواهينامه رانندگی
در هفتاد و پنج سالگی :پيداکردن دوست
در هشتاد سالگی:پيداکردن راه خانه
در هشتادو پنج سالگی:خيس نکردن شلوار
 

alila

National Team Player
Jun 9, 2006
5,455
0
a galaxy far far away
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying:

-“This is from the gentleman over there.” She looks at the wine and sends a note over to the man. Her note reads:

“For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a BMW In your garage,

a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."

The man, after reading her note, chuckles, and sends a note of his own back to her. His note reads:

"Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa and a Bentley in my garage.

I have over twenty-five million dollars in the bank.

But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off!
 
Yaroo ro mikhastan dastesh ro ghat konanad.
Mibinan to dastesh Tattoo zadeh "Ya Saheb azzaman".
Migan oon yeki dastesh ro ghat konin.
Mibinan oon ye dastesh ham neveshteh "ash hado an la mohama ......"
migan pasho beborin.
mibinan neveshteh "ta khoon dar rage mast ....."
kholase mibinan oon yeki ham yeki az oon shoara neveshteh.
dige asabi mishan o migan in dafe dige Tokhmaye in pedar sookhtaro beborin!
mibinan oonjash neveshteh "Jaqoozi" !!!
migan jaqoozi dige chieh ... beborinesh az tah!
yaroo dastpache misheh migeh
"sabr konin, in alan kochikeh, shodeh 'Jaqoozi'. Sikh besheh misheh 'Jang Jang ta piroozi'" !!!
 
Feb 4, 2005
23,314
3,346
I heard something like what OzMate posted but it was Ordak (in farsi Alef, Reh, Dal, Kaf). Mian beboran migeh sabr konid. Yek var mireh ta chizesh boland misheh mibinan neveshteh "Emam Ra DoA Konid" (Alef, Reh, Dal, Kaf)!
 

Niloufar

Football Legend
Oct 19, 2002
29,626
23
LOOOOOL@these two versions!!!!hehehe

Another one:

Zelzele miyad tu Rasht, zane yek Rashtiyeh mimireh. Rashtiyeh mireh balaye ghabre zanesh mige:
"Auu khanoom jan, faghat divar rut nakhabide bood ke unam khabid"!!!
 
Feb 4, 2005
23,314
3,346
A deaf couple try to come up with a way to let each other know when they want to have sex. The woman (with sign language) says you squeeze my breast once if you want sex and twice if you don't. The man says and you pull my penis once if you want sex and 250 times if you don't.