A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of
him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him
at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the
beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always
beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right,
then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he
reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm
lost and need directions! ."
A guy was badly injured and was in the hospital in which his faithful wife never left hif for a second. One day the guy says:
My dear wife you have always been on my side. When I was fired from the auction house you supported me, when my antique business failed you still stood by me, when we lost our house you were there and now after this horrible injury you are still by my side. He pauses for a while and says : You know what my dear? The wife feeling greatly appreciated says: What is it my darling? And the man replies I think you are bad luck!
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
موفقيت در سنين مختلف
در چهار سالگی:خيس نکردن شلوار
درهفت سالگی:پيداکردن راه خانه
در دوازده سالگی :پيداکردن دوست
درهجده سالگی : گرفتن گواهينامه رانندگی
دربيست سالگی :برقراری رابطه با جنس مخالف
در سی سالگی: پول دار بودن
درچهل سالگی: پول دار بودن
درپنجاه سالگی : پول دار بودن
در شصت سالگی : برقرار کردن رابطه با جنس مخالف
در هفتاد سالگی: نگه داشتن گواهينامه رانندگی
در هفتاد و پنج سالگی :پيداکردن دوست
در هشتاد سالگی:پيداکردن راه خانه
در هشتادو پنج سالگی:خيس نکردن شلوار
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying:
-“This is from the gentleman over there.” She looks at the wine and sends a note over to the man. Her note reads:
“For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a BMW In your garage,
a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."
The man, after reading her note, chuckles, and sends a note of his own back to her. His note reads:
"Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa and a Bentley in my garage.
I have over twenty-five million dollars in the bank.
But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off!
I heard something like what OzMate posted but it was Ordak (in farsi Alef, Reh, Dal, Kaf). Mian beboran migeh sabr konid. Yek var mireh ta chizesh boland misheh mibinan neveshteh "Emam Ra DoA Konid" (Alef, Reh, Dal, Kaf)!
Torke az amrica mehmoon dashte. baad az ye hafteh marde be zanesh mige "khanoom bebin in amricayeeha che adamaye ba molahezeyee hastand. har shab be dokhtaremoon mige SUCK IT ta mozaheme khabe ma nashe"
A deaf couple try to come up with a way to let each other know when they want to have sex. The woman (with sign language) says you squeeze my breast once if you want sex and twice if you don't. The man says and you pull my penis once if you want sex and 250 times if you don't.