A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to New York . I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free."
A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies, "I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."
She answers, "I'm moving to New York . I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free."
A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies, "I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."
از لُره ميپرسن تو شما لُرها آدم مشهور هم هست؟
ميگه بله
ميگه بله
: لره و هاردی ، سوفيا لره ، اليزابت تای لر ، تازه يه شيميدان
لُر چيزی کشف کرده به نام : کلر
لره رفت المپيک، گفتند به چه مقامی فکر ميکنی؟
گفت : به مقام معظم رهبری
لُر چيزی کشف کرده به نام : کلر
لره رفت المپيک، گفتند به چه مقامی فکر ميکنی؟
گفت : به مقام معظم رهبری
فرق زن اول با زن دوم
:
زن دوم مثل انرژی هسته ای است که حق مسلم ماست
.
زن اول مثل آمريکاست که هيچ غلطی نميتونه بکنه
.
يه توريست به يه ايرانی ميگه چرا اينجا همه همديگرو خواهر و برادر
صدا ميکنن؟
ايرانيه ميگه
صدا ميکنن؟
ايرانيه ميگه
: سال پنجاه وهفت يکی اومد مادر همه رو گ...د همه با
هم فاميل شدند.
هم فاميل شدند.
خبرنگاراز ترکه ميپرسه
: چرا محله تون آسفالت نشده؟
ترکه جواب ميده: بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم، با سلام خدمت شما و
بينندگان عزيز و همچنين پرسنل محترم شهرداری و مقام معظم رهبری
و خانواده های محترم شهدای دفاع مقدس و جانبازان و ايثارگران، والا
من بچه اين محله نيستم.
ترکه جواب ميده: بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم، با سلام خدمت شما و
بينندگان عزيز و همچنين پرسنل محترم شهرداری و مقام معظم رهبری
و خانواده های محترم شهدای دفاع مقدس و جانبازان و ايثارگران، والا
من بچه اين محله نيستم.
از ترکه پرسيدند
: اگه حالت تهوع بهت دست داد چيکار ميکنی؟
گفت: من باهاش دست نميدم.
گفت: من باهاش دست نميدم.
از رشتيه پرسيدند شما به زندگی بعد از مرگ اعتقاد داری؟
گفت
گفت
: صد در صد. مثلا من خودم دو سال بعد از مرگ پدرم متولد شدم.
Esteghlal 4 Ever jan very nice jokes damet garm.
Inham yeki az man:
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time
we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and
I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do
it for old time's sake?" Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a
crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and,
having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, "I've got to see these
two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so
there's no trouble." So he follows them..
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support
aided by walking sticks.
Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the
fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old m an drops his trousers. As
she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt
into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on
for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and
screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and
old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple
struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly
amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them," Excuse me, but that was
something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there
some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty year s ago that wasn't
an electric fence."
Inham yeki az man:
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time
we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and
I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do
it for old time's sake?" Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a
crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and,
having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, "I've got to see these
two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so
there's no trouble." So he follows them..
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support
aided by walking sticks.
Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the
fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old m an drops his trousers. As
she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt
into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on
for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and
screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and
old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple
struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly
amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them," Excuse me, but that was
something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there
some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty year s ago that wasn't
an electric fence."
A jewish girl goes to her mom and says that she wants to divorce her husband. SHe says all he wants is anal sex and my hole is the size of a 50 cent but it was the size of a 5 cent coin when I married him. Her mom says: You are married to a multi-billionare business man, you live in a mansion with 8 bedrooms, you drive a ferrari and have a $10000 per week allowance and you want to throw it all away for 45 cents?!
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while
When he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma,
what's that called when two people sleep in the same room
And one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell
Him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to
Play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and sa id angrily,
"Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called
Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you."
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while
When he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma,
what's that called when two people sleep in the same room
And one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell
Him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to
Play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and sa id angrily,
"Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called
Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you."
بخشي از يك شاهكار ادبيات لري:يكي بيد يكي نبيد سه تا درخت بيد كه دو تاش بيد بيد يكيش بيد نبيد اوني كه بيد نبيد وسطه اون دو تا كه بيد بيد بيد
پاسخ اپراتور موبايل در بروجرد هنگامي كه مشترك در دسترس نيست : مشترك مورد نظر نيستا . نه كه نيستا . هستا . دم دست نيستا
شب عيد فطر همه اصفهانيا بيرون خوابيده بودن ازشون مي پرسن چرا بيرون خوابيدين ميگن واسه اينكه پول فطرمون بيفته گردن شهرداري
لره با خوشحالي به دوستش ميگه بالاخره اين جدول رو بعد از 2 سال حل كردم !!!!!!!دوستش ميگه 2 سال زياد نيست؟؟؟؟؟؟؟ لره ميگه نه روش نوشته بود 7 تا 10 سال
رشتيه به زنش ميگه : شب حجلمون ( زفاف ) رو يادته ؟ ميگه : آره , جات واقعا خالي بود.
به تركه ميگن : 2/9 ( نه دوم ) به تركي چي ميشه ؟ ميگه : ميشه گوز . ميگن چه طوري ؟ ميگه : 9 به تركي ميشه دوگوز بر دو كه تقسيم كني . دو دوگوز با دو2 ميره ميمونه گوز
در پي سخن احمدي نژاد مبني بر اينكه در ايران همجنسباز نداريم , قزوين اعلام خودمختاري كرد.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
پاسخ اپراتور موبايل در بروجرد هنگامي كه مشترك در دسترس نيست : مشترك مورد نظر نيستا . نه كه نيستا . هستا . دم دست نيستا
شب عيد فطر همه اصفهانيا بيرون خوابيده بودن ازشون مي پرسن چرا بيرون خوابيدين ميگن واسه اينكه پول فطرمون بيفته گردن شهرداري
لره با خوشحالي به دوستش ميگه بالاخره اين جدول رو بعد از 2 سال حل كردم !!!!!!!دوستش ميگه 2 سال زياد نيست؟؟؟؟؟؟؟ لره ميگه نه روش نوشته بود 7 تا 10 سال
رشتيه به زنش ميگه : شب حجلمون ( زفاف ) رو يادته ؟ ميگه : آره , جات واقعا خالي بود.
به تركه ميگن : 2/9 ( نه دوم ) به تركي چي ميشه ؟ ميگه : ميشه گوز . ميگن چه طوري ؟ ميگه : 9 به تركي ميشه دوگوز بر دو كه تقسيم كني . دو دوگوز با دو2 ميره ميمونه گوز
در پي سخن احمدي نژاد مبني بر اينكه در ايران همجنسباز نداريم , قزوين اعلام خودمختاري كرد.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.......
"He sighed................
"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.......
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.......
"He sighed................
"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.......